Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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