I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I party with great urgency now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
