Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Let's paint friendship bongs
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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