i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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