U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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