I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
someone owes me an orgasm
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
