how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
