Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
