God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
