I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
