I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
