I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
where does the pee come out of this thing
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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