so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
