I looked at my own cervix.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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