If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
