i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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