I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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