glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize