Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
