i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
