I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
