I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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