I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
