I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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