this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
