I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
