Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
