Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Still dying that you shit outside
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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