I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
