Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
