So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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