HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
