Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
