Yo dont text me then not text me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
