May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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