Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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