I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
