Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
