..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
