I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
