hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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