Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
