I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
