fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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