Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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