Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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