The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
