He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
