It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
