All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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