It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
