No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
