yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
