i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
