I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Welp...herpes.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
