I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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