Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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