Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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