Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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