Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
