I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
