dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
