people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
