i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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