Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
