mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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