I puked a lego.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
