I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
