Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
