i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
as a side note pls kill me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize