Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
