is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
