I think I won the penis lottery.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
