i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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